2010 Tangled
When I was little, I didn’t really have any big dreams. I just wanted to finish school as soon as possible, and then find a job I could casually stick with for the rest of my life—like my teachers, the shop owner downstairs, or the bus driver…
But all the adults around me seemed to expect me to “find my dream.” My parents sent me to learn taekwondo, drawing, guitar, swimming, photography, pottery… My schedule was packed every single day.
And so I grew up into an adult who knows a little bit of everything—but isn’t truly good at anything. The career I want to pursue now has almost nothing to do with what I formally studied in school. On top of that, as a woman, I’m often expected to take on miscellaneous tasks and an emotional supporting role at work.
So even when my ideas and contributions in projects are no less than others’, I face more resistance and receive far less credit. Some people, unable to deal with my professional opinion openly, choose to undermine me again and again behind the scenes.
After leaving my most recent job, I’ve been living in isolation—constantly training and preparing myself, physically, intellectually, and mentally. It often feels as if the life I truly want has never really begun. Instead, I’ve been stuck in an endless loop of preparing, proving, failing… then starting all over again.
But it’s a classic chicken-and-egg problem. Without the right degrees or certifications, you can’t get into the field you want—and even if you do, your contributions can easily be overlooked or claimed by others (unless you have the right connections, perhaps). But how could my younger self have possibly known what I would want to do now?
When I was a child, how could I have possibly understood the realities of working life? My parents never talked about it—and even if they had, I wouldn’t have understood. It’s not something teachers teach, either. Sure, there was bullying and cliques at school, but those things never affected my exam results. The workplace, however, is not an exam hall. No matter how good your performance is, the credit—and the raise—may never go to you.
So once again, I retreat into the ivory tower of my own making—if only for a while—preparing for what comes next, hoping the next job might last longer, or at least spare my mental health. And yet, how can I know that this preparation in the present will truly lead me to the future I long for—forever and after?
Beyond one glass ceiling lies another. Time never rewinds, and life doesn’t wait for perfection to begin. So yes, preparation matters—but perhaps, every now and then, I should step outside and experience something different.
Maybe it means going back to how life was when I was younger—filling up my schedule again for a bit of every hobby I abandoned after graduation. Accumulating more and more skills and knowledge that I might never even use… just to become a bigger “jack-of-all-trades, master of none” kind of adult—and eventually grow old like this?
Sigh… I don’t know. I’ll just take it one day at a time.
Though what I said above doesn’t have much to do with the movie itself, to be honest, the song “When Will My Life Begin?” really resonates with how I feel right now, so I wanted to recommend it to you all.
And I wish that one day, every reader of mine, when you’re out and about, you’ll all run into someone rich and powerful who lifts you like a long-lost princess in a romantic fairy tale. (I mean for your creative and/or hard work getting recognized and supported, of course—don’t get me in the wrong way.)
Good night ~
