2018 Crazy Rich Asians
“Since it won't fit, then stop trying to force it.”
That sentence sounds simple, but truly letting go is incredibly difficult.
Sometimes, I even feel sympathy for the ones who exclude others — the bullies. Why are their prejudices so deep? Why am I never good enough in their eyes? What did I ever do to them? Why do they need to take their anger out on me? Is it just because I'm easier to target?
Sometimes, you know that if you continue fighting, you'll definitely win. And if the roles were reversed today, the other side would absolutely strike without hesitation. But even if you win — will anyone truly be happy about it?
This movie starts with a mother-in-law conflict and stretches all the way to the Prisoner's Dilemma in economics. When I discussed it with friends, they said, "Isn't this basically the 'real-life' Harry and Meghan?" (Well… fictionalized? I thought).
The protagonist Rachel is clearly not a gold digger. But if she marries her boyfriend Nick, she will carry endless suspicion and judgment on that forever. She'll have to constantly worry about the opinions of his family, their reputation…
Marriage, business partnerships, relationships — sometimes you are just tired of swallowing silent suffering. You would want to just stand up and scream: "Let what is true be the truth!" And I've swallowed so much that sometimes I want to cut open my chest and show everyone:
Look. Look what I've endured!
I want everyone to stand in my shoes and see what kind of nonsense this really is!
But… how could that ever happen?
No matter how good your communication skill is, the other person is still not you. Even if you convince one person, there are countless more. Even if your family and friends always take your side, they can't listen to you cry about this forever, nor can your partner be expected to take responsibility for your emotions forever.
In this movie, Nick's mother Eleanor should have been the person who understood Rachel the most. But she took the pain she once shouldn't have endured, internalized it, and turned it into something she believes she should uphold. Then she demanded her future daughter-in-law follow those same standards.
Even if Eleanor's reasoning has some logic, those "reasons" are like politics — both sides can be right if argued well. And Eleanor had already decided that Rachel would never understand, or she would only pretend to anyway. So, communicating with someone like that is very exhausting.
Giving in doesn't work. Not giving in doesn't work either.
But if Rachel had simply run away with Nick — like Meghan and Harry — would they really live 'happily ever after'? Maybe. Possibly. Everyone values different things. What feels happy to one person may feel suffocating to another.
Since Rachel believed that Nick would not be truly happy if he left his family for her, and she herself wouldn't be happy either. So she chose to let go, even though it was painful.
For Nick, it was cruel and unfair. For Rachel, likewise. Think of how long they were together, how much hurt she endured. She clearly has all the reasons to retaliate… Wait, why does something that started as pure love always end up mixed with resentment?
Although we're not movie heroines who can sit at a Mahjong table and dramatically confront a future mother-in-law with poetic timing and elegance. Ordinary people like us often can only swallow our broken teeth and blood if we get punched.
That doesn't mean those experiences were meaningless or wrong.
Even if Eleanor never came around. Even if Nick never proposed with the family ring. Even if Rachel had to heal alone, and later watch Nick marry someone "suitable."
A relationship you experienced alone — is still a real relationship.
Love is not possession.
It's hard not to care about what others think. It's hard not to wonder what would have happened if you had chosen a different path or person.
But living in this world, so much of life choices come down to a feeling — an instinct. And in the end, many of us realize…
Living a simple life on our own terms just feels better.
It's not that relationships, fairness, or justice don't matter. It's just that we cannot afford the emotional cost anymore. Explaining everything is exhausting. And if no one wants to listen, then let them misunderstand.
As long as you believe that your tomorrow is better without them, then whether you leave with anything — people, resources, experiences, reputation — you will still be Okay.
And even if backing down gets you mocked as a chicken, it is still better than forcing yourself into a life you never wanted in the first place.
