我混沌的醒來，拿起手機一瞄，下午四點半，驚嚇得跳下床。
從上個週末開始身體不適，我一直忍著、盼著-這週末因為星期五是南非的國定假日，可以休三天，到時候再好好來養精蓄銳。
可，還沒等到週末的假期，停經「前」症狀之一因荷爾蒙分泌失調導致的失眠，雪上加霜的找上門。
經歷了連續兩晚睡不到兩小時，昨晚半夜兩點確認累到可以入睡後，我才闔眼。
以為是早上，今天第一次睜眼醒來一看是中午十二點多，回了個家長傳來改上課時間的簡訊。Z先生起床，我放下手機繼續睡。
Z先生邊喝咖啡邊走進房間把我吵醒，我拿出小說以為可以小讀一下就起床，結果看不到一篇，眼皮沉重得放棄，繼續睡。
隱約聞到從廚房飄來食物的香味，睜開眼看到Z先生又晃進來，心情愉悅的說：「我做了午餐，和孩子們吃得很飽、很開心！」引得我微感到飢餓，在閉上眼的同時心想：我再瞇一會兒就起來。
再睜開眼，就是驚嚇醒的下午四點半。
自從結婚後，這是我破天荒第一次這麼大睡一場。以前如果不小心睡到十一、二點，Z先生就會用我欠他一千萬似的兇煞表情和語氣對我說：「妳可以起來了！」
下午五點，我緩緩的梳洗完走出房間，不好意思的對Z先生說：「你讓我睡到四點半？」他居然笑臉相迎的回：「我看妳很需要。」
我真的很需要：缺乏睡眠的壞心情不翼而飛，痛了一星期使得頭無法向後仰的後頸痛解鎖了一大半，隱約要感冒的症狀也消失了。
2024，我們經歷了婚姻的另一個黑暗期。
我與數個朋友聊了事件經過，也找了位新的諮商師聊了幾回，更趁著大姑和她先生回南非時，介入勸導Z先生。
我以為在Z先生終於收集了所有身為人夫不該做的事之後，我們的婚姻可以告吹了。
但，我還是留下來了。
所以在我決定留下來後，他所呈現的改變是我們婚姻終於撥雲見日的現象嗎？
我不敢大意，告訴自己還是要以如屢薄冰的心態繼續走這條婚姻的石頭路。
馬拉松睡眠醒來後，我認命的把沒人整理的廚房清理乾淨。遵守前一天和Z先生討論決定的計畫，給孩子們準備了一餐豐富的晚餐。
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I woke up in a daze, grabbed my phone for a quick glance—4:30 in the afternoon. Shocked, I jumped out of bed.
Since last weekend, I had been feeling unwell, but I kept pushing through, holding on to the thought that this coming weekend—thanks to South Africa’s public holiday on Friday—I would finally get three days to rest and recharge.
But before I could even make it to the long-awaited break, one of the dreaded pre-menopausal symptoms, insomnia caused by hormonal imbalance, decided to pile on the misery.
After two consecutive nights of barely getting two hours of sleep, I finally collapsed into bed last night at 2 a.m., exhausted enough to drift off.
When I opened my eyes for the first time today, I thought it was morning. A glance at my phone said otherwise—it was already past noon. I replied to a message from a parent about rescheduling a class, then set my phone down as Mr. Z got out of bed. Without hesitation, I went right back to sleep.
Mr. Z, coffee in hand, walked into the room and woke me. I reached for my novel, thinking I could read a little before getting up, but before I could even finish a page, my eyelids grew too heavy to resist. I gave in and let sleep take over once more.
At some point, I caught the faint aroma of food wafting in from the kitchen. I cracked my eyes open just in time to see Mr. Z strolling in again, looking utterly pleased with himself.
"I made lunch! The kids and I ate so much—we had a great time!" he announced cheerfully.
His words triggered a faint pang of hunger in me, but as I shut my eyes again, I thought, Just a little longer, then I’ll get up.
The next time I opened my eyes, it was 4:30 in the afternoon—and I shot up in shock.
Since getting married, I had never slept so indulgently. In the past, if I ever slept in until even 11 or 12, Mr. Z would glare at me as if I owed him ten million dollars and bark, "You can get up now!"
At 5 p.m., I finally emerged from the bedroom, freshly washed and still feeling a little guilty.
"You let me sleep until 4:30?" I asked, half embarrassed.
To my surprise, Mr. Z simply smiled and replied, "You looked like you really needed it."
And I really had.
The foul mood from sleep deprivation had vanished. The stiff pain in my neck, which had kept me from tilting my head back for a whole week, was almost entirely gone. Even the early signs of a cold had disappeared.
In 2024, we went through yet another dark period in our marriage.
I talked to several friends about what had happened, sought out a new therapist and had a few sessions, and even took the opportunity when my sister-in-law and her husband returned to South Africa to step in and try to talk sense into Mr. Z.
I thought that after Mr. Z had finally checked off every single thing a husband should never do, our marriage would be over.
And yet, I stayed.
So, after deciding to stay, does the change he’s showing mean that our marriage has finally turned a corner?
I dare not be careless. I remind myself to tread cautiously, as if walking on thin ice, continuing down this rocky road of marriage.
After waking from a marathon sleep, I dutifully cleaned up the mess in the kitchen that no one had bothered to take care of. I stuck to the plan Mr. Z and I had discussed the day before and prepared a hearty dinner for the children.
